Dear Emmy…

0107HummelGirls.BW.May22.2015One year ago today, I held you close as you drew in your last breath and your little heart stopped beating. Even though it was the most difficult day of my life, I would relive it over and over again just to have you back in my arms.

The passing of this first year has been humbling. God has used my grief time and time again to remind me – I am wholly human. Even under His grace, I often stumble. At times, I have wanted to succumb to the pain. I have wanted to resist the joy finding it’s way back into my life, because I was unsure of how to be happy without you. There were days I did not think I would make it through to the other side of my grief. There are some days I still feel that way.

But here I am, by the GRACE OF GOD, still standing.

0126HummelGirls.BW.May22.2015All of the “firsts” without you have officially passed. In the last week, I have prayed for time to slow down. I did not want the first year to be over. It’s like reliving the loss…only now I’m 365 days further from the time I last held you. But today, just as yesterday, has come and gone. And tomorrow will do the same, and the 24 hours after that…again and again. Because time is one thing none of us can stop.

I know the dark days are not over. But as God reminds us in the book of John “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Grief can be a dark, lonely place. But love. Love overcomes the darkness.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

You are my light. Shine on, sweet girl. My love for you will bear, believe, hope and endure. It will never fail.

You are eternally loved, infinitely missed and never, ever forgotten.

Until I hold you in heaven…wait for me to come home, baby.

 

Miss you most,

Mama

 

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