Even after we found out there were complications with Emalynn, we prepared our home for twin girls. We knew it was an optimistic approach, but it was the only way we could move forward. We had to believe in her. So…we got two of everything.
When we came home with just one baby, we had to adjust. We moved one crib to my parents, put the double stroller in storage, and packed away all of our “twos.”
About a month ago, we pulled out that double stroller and dusted it off. We needed it for the days our friend Cecilia comes over to play. About a week after we got it out, I decided to take Lex out for an evening walk. I buckled heir in, not thinking twice about it. I wasn’t half way down the driveway when I glanced down and felt my heart lurch in pain.
A double stroller. With just one baby.
It was a stark reminder of my reality.
From that comes this – my first published poem on the blog. Most of my work like this I keep tucked away in my heart. But this one I wanted to share.
From the beginning it was double vision;
Two of each and every decision.
Two car seats and cribs, shoes for 4 little feet;
But with you gone, there’s an empty seat.
Most of the doubles we packed away,
With hope we’ll need them again some day.
But not everything was tucked away neat.
We still notice the empty seat.
Laying down at night there’s just one crib.
At dinner time, just one dirty bib.
Sometimes I end my day in defeat,
As I struggle with the empty seat.
It follows us wherever we are;
Pushing the stroller or driving the car.
Each day we wake the question repeats…
God, why is there an empty seat?
Down life’s narrow, winding road,
my heart does carry a heavy load.
Of all the people that we meet,
Many won’t know there’s an empty seat.
Life will go on and the years will too,
But nothing on Earth will take the place of you.
Wherever we go we’ll be incomplete;
There will always be an empty seat.