On being #blessed…

Yesterday morning, you might have seen this post on my Facebook page:

Written in response to this article [click here to read it]:

And after 24 hours of letting what I read really settle into my heart, here is what I have to say.

To the author. I am not here to wage a mommy war. And I am not here to compare your hard thing to my hard thing. We are not walking the same path, so why wast time comparing. And mama, I’m sure raising those babies has pushed you to limits you didn’t know you had… and then some. I can empathize as a mom, but not a twin mom. That opportunity was taken from me. And because of that – because of my particular experience and perspective – there’s one thing I do know. Even on the hardest days… you are #blessed.

To every #twinmom I know. You are superhuman. Seriously. Whether your twins were your first born or fourth (and fifth). Whether they came “naturally” or after months (even years) of calculated and painful intervention. Whether they are boys, girls, babies, toddlers or Tweens. There is no one in the world stronger than the mom of multiples. I watch you from afar with admiration (and, if we’re gut-wrenchingly honest, the slightest bit of jealousy). You are on a beautiful, complicated, messy, incredible journey. And you are #blessed.

Fun fact: I am directly connected with 15 women who had twins within a year or two before or after me. Yeah. FIFTEEN.

To the mama with an aching heart. Those words I wrote just moments after reading that article were for you. The mama who has lost – through infertility, miscarriage or child loss. They spilled out of my heart and onto my screen in hopes they would reach you – to let you know you’re not alone. To let you know, I know. I know that reading those words (even if said in sarcasm) felt like someone reaching into your chest and ripping your heart right out of it. Because you can’t imagine a mama complaining about the burden of a child…or two. Carrying on that, somehow, she is NOT blessed by her motherhood because it is “Hard AF”. Yeah, motherhood is hard – in all of it’s forms. In the waiting. In the wishing. In the wondering. Sometimes the words people say hurt. Let them hurt, but don’t let them linger. In our own ways, we are each #blessed.

To myself. It’s ok, mama. It’s ok that it still hurts. It’s ok that a strangers words can pierce your soul and put a fire in your heart. It’s ok that every picture, every post, every mention of twins makes you catch your breath just a little. All these things… they are a reminder that you are human. That you can’t carry it on your own. That you need Jesus to continue living and loving. The kind of loss you suffered can rob you of everything if you let it. Don’t. Call on Jesus. You are #blessed.

Always, always with grace.

Jen

2 thoughts on “On being #blessed…

  1. Sweet Jen, I don’t know you and probably will never meet you but your words resonated deep inside of me. For years we struggled to have children (9 years with lots of trying anything and everything thrown in there). Eventually, our last ditch attempt that was meant to close the door so I could move forward to adopting/fostering turned into our little miracle twin sons. When the boys were first born I had numerous dreams of going in and one of them being gone. The horror that created in me in those brief moments between sleep/waking, is this real or a dream period is only the tiniest glimpse at your reality. I cannot fathom ever losing a child, especially a twin. One that you had carried, fallen in love with before birth and dreamed over. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot say anything that will take that away. But what I can say is that you have every right to be upset and hurt by someone complaining about being a Mom. No it’t not fun all the time, no having twins is no walk in the park, being a Mother is at times the HARDEST job in the world. But what I will say is that if you have children you are one lucky woman. Our children are our greatest gifts. They challenge us to the utter edge of sanity and insanity. They show us the depth of our love. They give us more grace than we thought humanly possible. The list of what children do for us is endless. And I’m sorry but I will do my best not to complain about having twins because it is hard and often exhausting but it is also glorious and I am sorry that was stolen from you. I just wanted you to know that there are those of us out there who are grieving with you in your loss. Bless you!

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    • Thank you so much for your sweet words! I am so sorry you had to walk the path of infertility for so long — I know it is not an easy one. I am so happy for you that your struggle had such a happy ending!! Being the mother to my energetic, opinionated, sweet little girl is truly one of the hardest things I have ever been called to do…second only to being the mother to my beautiful angel who took her last breath in my arms when she was only hours old. There are no words to describe that kind of pain. But, she is also one of my greatest blessings. And I would take loving her and losing her any day over never having her at all.

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